


(ab)normal

by Thuershen (radhaj)



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7450477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radhaj/pseuds/Thuershen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a lot of time for other things once you no longer have to fight hollows or train for world-changing battles. Ichigo struggles to fit into his new, "normal" life after losing his powers and discovers things about both himself and some people that he met along the way in the meantime. AU directly after Winter War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bear with me for the long author note. But some things to keep in mind while reading:  
> 1\. This takes place in a universe where none of the fillers (read: any of the stuff that isn’t in the manga) happened. This includes movies. So some things might go against what happened in those. Sometimes it will be on purpose, sometimes – because I haven’t even watched that particular filler.  
> 2\. I’m (almost) up to date with the manga itself, but this fic is AU from near the end of the Winter War so there will obviously be changes from then on. I’ll still use some of the canon explanations from later in the manga (e.g. (SPOILERS!!!!) Isshin’s past and even most of the Fullbringer Arc will stay, and I’ll likely keep the whole Ichigo-is-quincy-to-at-least-come-capacity thing). But I’m writing this fic because I am very unsatisfied with some of the decisions Kubo made in his story, so don’t be surprised when something I write will actually be the opposite of how it worked in the manga or so. This is why I write fanfiction!!! To make a version of the story that makes me happy.  
> 3\. I’d say it’s a smarter!Ichigo fic, but I don’t think Ichigo lacks smarts in canon. He just applies his thinking to different things/in different ways than I sometimes think he should. So that’ll what change here too.  
> 4\. Yeah, it will end up with two guys together even if it won’t get there for a while. So don’t read if that’s not your thing.  
> 5\. I’m posting the first chapter although I barely have anything more written, because I’m tired of having fic-ideas sitting on my computer and never seeing the light of day. This means that I am currently writing it and I will try to finish this up, but I know well enough not to make any promises by now. So consider yourself warned about that. Don't expect consistent updates

# Prologue

It was hard to wrap his mind around it.

All of these last few months, filled with danger and training and adventures… No, all of his _life_ , unknowingly to him, had led to this moment. Long before Ichigo had first laid eyes on Rukia and felt her sword pierce through his body, long before he had even been _born_ , this story had been started by things entirely beyond his control. By Aizen’s machinations, by Urahara’s dangerous thirst for knowledge of things better left unlearned, by Soul Society’s ineptitude in dealing with either…

He had become a shinigami, he had fought multiple enemies, trained and evolved, struggled against his inner demons. He had saved and he had killed and he had been forced to grow up and face some realities of this world that most humans would never even become aware of. And he had faced Aizen in the final fight as their last hope, their strongest warrior, the one to carry the fate of the entire world on his young shoulders.

And it all culminated in… this.

 _This_ being what? Victory? The end, the fulfilment of his duties? With his powers slowly draining from his body and the white cross of Aizen in front of him, it had to be both. But Ichigo could barely believe in either.

It felt almost too sudden. He knew he probably simply needed time to process the incredible change that just occurred. Just minutes ago, he had been fighting against the eradication of every single person in his hometown. Now he could feel reassured that all of his friends and his family were finally safe. But he also had to come to terms with what he had sacrificed for it.

It felt too meaningless. Aizen was dealt with, but Ichigo felt no satisfaction at the thought. The maniacal villain had been right – Ichigo didn’t hate him. Oh, he felt hate towards him – for hurting so many, for playing with Ichigo’s life, for the chaos and pain he had brought on solely for the sake of increasing his own power. But Ichigo didn’t really hate the man the way he probably should have. Mostly he… pitied him. Ichigo couldn’t help but feel like beyond all of his crazed megalomania, Aizen had simply been lost and lonely in ways that Ichigo, perhaps, was the only person to be able to come close to understanding. So how was he supposed to relish in his defeat? Or in the deaths of the man’s “companions”, of Tousen and Gin and even Ulquiorra?

It felt so daunting. It wasn’t that Ichigo wanted people to be exposed to any of these horrifying truthss, but the idea that things would now just go back to the way they were before, like none of this ever happened, felt frightening. Because Ichigo knew that _he_ had been changed, irrevocably. He might have never wanted to be special, never sought any of this out, but he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to go back to what the real world expected from him, and it frightened him.

It was hard to wrap his mind around it.

As he stood surrounded by the rubble of the fight, with the sky itself seemingly mocking him with its ability to simply accept it was over and move on, he felt empty. The wind that blew through his hair almost felt peaceful and the cross glared blindingly white in the sun almost innocently. Ichigo continued to silently look at it even as he felt his melancholic bubble being joined by another.

He didn’t need to look to see who it was. Even if the man hadn’t been the only other person around, even if the familiar sound of the sandals hitting the ground hadn’t been enough to clue him in, he would have known. It was just fitting, in some way, that it was Urahara Kisuke at his side now. The clown of a shopkeeper. An infuriatingly secretive, crazy man. The person that had once again proven, just moments ago, that he was the only one capable to always be five steps ahead of even someone like Aizen.

For some reason, it felt right that it was the two of them standing here together.

Urahara had always been there, Ichigo realized suddenly. At all the beginnings and all of the ends. He was the one that opened paths for him to do what he had to – sometimes literally, like to Soul Society or Hueco Mundo, and sometimes figuratively, by giving him the tools he needed to succeed, like when he had returned him his powers and trained him or indirectly let the Vaizards know they should seek him out (Lisa had once let that much slip when she was a bit too drunk one evening). And he was the one to pick up the pieces and explain things whenever one part of Ichigo’s journey would come to a close.

And so he was here now – at the moment that was supposed to be the end of it all.

The redhead turned his head just enough to be able to look at that scruffy, unshaven face. For once, with the damnable hat not present, he could actually see the ex-shinigami’s eyes without a shadow obscuring them. It didn’t mean he could read the look in them, however. In a way, it was almost comforting. He didn’t know what the blond man was thinking, and that was the norm for the mysterious shopkeeper.

Aizen might have been the one manipulating everything from the shadows, but Urahara, for sure, did no less to influence and control Ichigo’s life. Yet Ichigo felt no anger or indignation at the thought. He had accepted this fact ages ago, back when the normally cheerful shopkeeper had bowed before him and somberly asked him for forgiveness. Even back then, Ichigo had known that the man only did what had to be done, and would continue to do so despite his apparent regret over the fact. The young shinigami had decided to trust that crazy mind then, even if it meant accepting he would be led by it to do things without being informed of them properly first. And that trust had never once wavered since.

Still… he wondered.

“Everything went according to your plan then?” he asked, almost casually. The older man actually looked startled and his eyes widened – both almost imperceptibly, but Ichigo was at least capable of catching _that_ much.

“Kurosaki-san-“ the shopkeeper started, but stopped when he saw the look in Ichigo’s eyes.

“No, don’t… There’s no need for that,” the substitute shinigami stated, flashes of the night of his return after saving Rukia arising from his memory, “I honestly only want an answer to that question, nothing more is necessary.”

For a couple more seconds Urahara didn’t move but just stared at him. Then he visibly relaxed again and his gaze moved back to the cross of the seal.

“Did it all happen exactly how I thought it would? No, not really,” he responded with an unusual openness, “But… I guess you could say that I did have a plan for everything that happened. Luckily.”

“Heh,” Ichigo felt his lips, surprisingly enough, curling into a smile and the constricting feeling around his heart letting go as he finally felt some of the tension disappear. He knew well enough that luck had nothing to do with this. The only reason Aizen was sealed right now and not standing triumphantly over the world was because of Urahara Kisuke’s ingenuity, forethought and thoroughness.

Just a humble shopkeeper indeed.

“Five steps ahead,” Ichigo muttered mostly to himself as his own eyes returned to what was left of one man’s desperate struggle for greatness, ignoring his companion’s slight frown of confusion at the words, “Must be tiring,” he added a little more loudly. The blond didn’t reply, but the silence was agreement enough.

 ---

 **A.N.** : There’s a small time skip here. Just assume that the things in-between happened pretty much like they did in the anime.

 

 

# Chapter 1

 

When Ichigo woke up, it was with an aching emptiness in his soul. It didn’t take long for him to remember the most likely reason for this. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was alone in his own mind. Instinctively, he called out into his inner world but his voice seemed to echo around with no answer. The vastness of the space that now belonged only to him made him feel claustrophobic for a moment and he forced himself out to face reality instead. That couldn’t be worse than being alone with the gaping hole in his soul, right?

But when his eyes opened and focused onto the pity-filled faces of his friends hovering around him, he knew that it _could_. Well, he had to deal with this at _some_ point, right? And who even knew how much time had already passed since he had first lost consciousness. There was no use delaying it any longer.

“Kurosaki-kun!” Orihime exclaimed immediately after noticing he woke up, and Ichigo somehow managed not to flinch at the sudden sound or at the idea that four of his friends had been awkwardly watching him sleep for gods knew how long. He frowned and looked around himself.

“This is?...”

“My home,” Rukia immediately answered his unfinished question. It made sense, he realized. He could easily tell that there was nothing wrong with him physically to warrant a stay with the 4th squad. He slowly sat up, his entire body protesting. From how stiff his muscles were, he could already tell that it had been a while since he last moved, but he was okay otherwise. His eyes, unbidden, then wandered over his friends, taking in their appearance, and eventually landed on Ishida. The image of Zangetsu sticking out of the quincy’s stomach flashed in his eyes and he felt slightly sick. Even though the white-clad man had already looked okay when Ichigo had seen him before blacking out, courtesy of Inoue’s powers no doubt, Ichigo still couldn’t get over it.

“Your wounds?...”

“Were healed a long time ago,” the man in question said with a mocking sneer simply out of a habit to try and antagonize the substitute shinigami, but it had no heart in it. Quite obviously, he didn’t hold what happened over Ichigo, but he only communicated the fact with his eyes. What could he have said? ‘It’s fine that you pierced me through my stomach with your sword while you were temporarily not in control of your body’? Wouldn’t have sounded very convincing and likely would have only made Ichigo feel guiltier.

“Ten days have passed, you know,” Rukia ended the moment and finally gave him a concrete number.  Ichigo’s heart thumped in his chest painfully.

“Ten days?”

He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that he had been out for so long. After all, losing all of his Shinigami powers had to put a terrible strain on his body. But wait… All of them? Ichigo subconsciously put a hand on his chest as he felt a tiny flicker of light fluttering chaotically in the vast darkness inside him. Its hopeless plight almost made him feel worse than if there had already been nothing at all, somehow.

“My powers…” he uttered and from the way his friends suddenly found it hard to look him in the face it was obvious that all of them knew.

“Don’t worry. They aren’t completely gone yet,” Rukia told him what he already sort of knew himself, but he looked questioningly up at her anyway.

“You know then?”

“Yes. We heard from Urahara,” she revealed and Ichigo sighed. Well, at least he didn’t have to think about how to tell them about it himself. And he supposed sandal-hat couldn’t have stayed quiet about it after Ichigo had passed out in obvious pain in front of his friends.

“Kurosaki-kun…” Orihime’s worry was clear as day, but it was Rukia who actually continued providing him with information.

“According to Urahara, there’s stages to it. As you’ve probably noticed, you’ve already lost your zanpakutou and a good majority of your powers with it, leaving what’s left very unsteady inside you.  At some point you’ll black out again, in pain, and that’s when your powers will disappear fully. There’s no way of knowing when it will happen exactly, however.”

Silence descended in the room as no one quite knew how to continue conversation after that. And Ichigo knew it was up to him to dispel the tension. No good would come from everyone moping around because of it.

“Well, when it happens, it happens,” he tried to reassure everyone with a not entirely fake smile, “Don’t worry about it. I knew the consequences when I made my decision, and I don’t regret anything. I’m just glad you’re all okay,” he spoke almost light-heartedly. It was true, after all. He wouldn’t try to lie to himself that he was truly fine with becoming powerless again, but he knew that there had been no other choice and thus he couldn’t have acted any differently even if he could have gone back in time right now.

He saw Ishida tense as if he was about to burst out in protest, probably wanting to question his easy acceptance of the situation, but Ichigo met the quincy’s eyes squarely and the other boy stilled. Of all people, Ichigo knew, Ishida had to understand him best, having lost his own powers not that long ago. The despair of it probably was still fresh on the quincy’s mind, making him unable to believe Ichigo could be so accepting of it. But he also had to understand what a necessary sacrifice was.

“How are the others?” Ichigo asked instead, changing the subject. He knew there were plenty of “others” he might be asking about, but he trusted his friends would know who exactly he meant.

“They’re back in the real world, and they’re doing okay. Urahara-san sent word about them to us,” Ishida was actually the one to answer, “They do have… questions, however,” he continued meaningfully after a brief pause. Tatsuki’s stricken face as he had told his friends to just stay and hang in there flashed in front of Ichigo’s eyes and he clenched his fists, “But Urahara-san told us you insisted on talking to them yourself?”

The quincy tried to sound as indifferent as always, but there was unmistakable curiosity in his voice. Ichigo could understand – his friends probably expected him to try to avoid having to talk about it all if possible. And he did want to do so, but he knew he owed his classmates at least this much. Sure, these were not only _his_ secrets to share, but he was the one that started it all, the one at fault for both Orihime and Chad getting involved, if not Ishida. It felt right that he would be the one to also finally give an explanation. He as much as promised already anyway, if only to himself and Urahara-san back when he was first leaving for Hueco Mundo.

“Yeah, I think I owe it to them,” he replied, and smiled sheepishly. Another silence descended among them for a minute, but it was nowhere as uncomfortable as the one before.

“They lifted his exile from Soul Society, you know,” Rukia informed him after a while and Ichigo raised his eyebrow in surprise. Though once he thought about it, he supposed it made sense after all that the man had done to make up for his old mistake. They had already asked him to do things for them directly and he _had_ been able to enter the realm already, so it probably only had to be made official at this point, “And also… your father’s too, for his help fighting Aizen,” she seemed a bit awkward as she said it, probably unsure of how he would react at the reminder of his father’s revealed secret. But Ichigo just chuckled.

“That’s good, I suppose, but it’s not like it really changes anything. The old man won’t leave his life back in the Real World,” he commented and although he obviously meant his father, he knew the statement actually applied to both of the former exiles. Ichigo then stiffly stood up and opened the sliding doors, drawing a deep breath once he did, “Speaking of which, since you all seem healthy enough, I guess we’d better be returning to Karakura already.”

His friends considered him quietly for a second, probably thinking about whether he wasn’t just downplaying his feelings about the situation to not worry them. But in the end, Ishida made a familiar sneering chuckle and adjusted his glasses.

“No need to tell us that. You’re the one that was lazing around for ten days and holding us back here, Kurosaki.”

Ichigo’s face twitched. The quincy’s jabbing was so familiar, it slipped under his skin effortlessly.

“You little-“ he turned to glare, provoked, but Rukia just brushed their antics off.

“I will make sure the preparations for your departure back into the real world are underway,” she said, and although the pronoun she chose to use didn’t slip by unnoticed by the substitute shinigami, he didn’t outwardly react.

“Thanks, Rukia,” he smiled, meeting his smallest – and best – friend’s eyes. She held his gaze, unspoken communication passing between them somberly.

“You should be able to leave by this evening,” she finally lowered her gaze. The mood in the room was quickly becoming heavy and Ichigo tried to fight it by holding his smile wide.

“That would be great. Gives me some time to say a few goodbyes while I still can then,” he said and Rukia nodded.

“I’ll ask Byakuya-nii-sama to lend you some clothes. I doubt you’ll want to walk around in that,” she indicated the white yukata that Ichigo was now wearing. The orange-head grimaced at both his clothes and the idea of borrowing some from _Byakuya_ of all people.

“I don’t think-“ he started, but Rukia fixed him with a sharp gaze. He _could_ see amusement sparkling in it too, however.

“Idiot. Didn’t I tell you you’re in our home? Why would you go for someone else when Nii-sama is right here. Besides, most shinigami don’t really bother owning much more than their shihakusho, which you can’t really be borrowing. So unless you want to go and ask Yumichika…”

Ichigo actually visibly shivered at the imagination of just what sort of clothes the 5th seat of the 11th division might provide him with.

“Fine. As long as he doesn’t make me pay for his overly posh clothes later,” Ichigo drawled, earning himself a hit on the head from Rukia.

“Idiot,” she said fondly while the orange-haired man rubbed the sore spot on his head.

“Sheesh, how do you even reach that high up to hit me, you midge- Ouch, not again!”

*-*-*-*-*

It was weird. Ichigo had expected it to be difficult to orient himself in Seireitei now that he had barely any powers, but it turned out to be the opposite. He figured it must have something to do with how everyone said he normally continuously leaked ridiculous amounts of reiatsu if he wasn’t careful. Now that there was none of that to fuddle his senses, he could actually quite easily sense the current position of every single one of his friends. He sort of wanted to rub the fact in the faces of everyone that ever made fun of his inaptitude to feel and just tell them they’d probably just as hopeless if they had to deal with what he dealt with normally.

The difficulty turned out to be not in finding people, but in finding what to say once he was in front of them. After all, it turned out that all of them knew of his imminent loss of powers and this made everything painfully awkward.

His short exchange with Byakuya, of all people, had started things off as the man, indeed, got him something more appropriate to wear. But he had been, weirdly enough, the easiest. The mutual respect that the two of them had found after their initial encounter had created a connection between them that, while it would never ever be actually acknowledged by them, made actual words unnecessary. Byakuya had to know that Ichigo was counting on him to take care of Rukia, but he would do that anyway. Ichigo knew he had the Kuchiki heir’s gratitude for many things, but he felt no need to get the proud man to say it. Their exchange was brief and very practical and in the end they parted with simple nods. Ichigo left his estate immediately after.

He found Captains Kyouraku and Ukitake together on a hill overlooking Seireitei, and after declining Kyouraku’s customary offer of sake, he ended up just bowing in front of the two while heart-fully thanking them for taking care of him. He noticed them exchanging some meaningful looks at that, but in the end they just nodded and bid him well with the same warmth that he had come to expect from the two captains.

Hanatarou, as well as the rest of the 4th division, were still busy taking care of some of the more seriously injured during the fight against Aizen, but Ichigo still managed to exchange a few words with both him and captain Unohana before setting out further.

Hitsugaya didn’t correct him when he burst into his office greeting him as “Toushiro”. That alone told Ichigo more than enough about how the young captain felt about the situation. Somehow, saying goodbye to the prodigy-boy and Rangiku-san felt truly painful – for some reason Ichigo had always felt drawn to the 10th division and its leaders felt dear to him even if they hadn’t really had that many opportunities to interact on a personal level. It was when the two asked him to give their greetings to their father that Ichigo had to pause, a rather pivotal piece of information sliding into place in his head. Of course, it didn’t tell him _too_ much, but it was already more than he had expected, considering he had agreed to wait until the right time for any information about his father’s past. So it was with a lot more understanding that Ichigo nodded at the request and bid them goodbye.

He felt apprehensive about visiting the 11th division, not knowing what he could expect from the squad that valued fighting power above everything else now that he was about to lose _his_. But he met Renji on his way there and thus couldn’t turn back anymore. To his surprise, Ikkaku and the others greeted him pretty much normally, not turning their backs on their weird friendship just because of the situation. He spent quite some time with the squad and Renji, just fooling around, for a short while forgetting that it would soon all be over.  Kenpachi even tried to goad him into spending what power he still had left for the sake of giving him one last exciting battle. Fortunately, he managed to escape when he pointed out he wouldn’t really be much of a challenge without a Zanpakutou.

He visited everyone he felt he should, giving thanks to pretty much everyone before bidding them goodbye. Captain Komamura, Kira, Hisagi… He avoided some squads instinctively, however. He knew, for example, that while Sui-Feng had somewhat mellowed out to him recently, he still didn’t want to tempt fate by assuming she’d care for exchanging personal farewells with him.

But when he was passing by the fifth division’s barracks, he actually made one more stop than he had expected to be making. He sensed the familiar reiatsu and although he had no idea what its owner could be doing in this place, he knew there could be no mistaking so he checked it out and found himself at what must have been Aizen’s quarters up to just a few months ago.

“Hirako?” he exclaimed as he took in the presence of the vaizards’ de-facto leader. The blond had to have sensed him approaching, but was kind enough to pretend to be surprised when he turned to face him.

“Yo, Ichigo,” he grinned casually, as if it was completely normal for him to be in Soul Society, unpacking some things from boxes in the 5th division’s captain quarters and…. Was that a captain’s haori that he was wearing?! Ichigo’s eyes bulged, “I’d tell ya to make yerself at home, but I’m afraid ya caught me a bit too early and _I_ don’t even feel like that here yet,” Hirako continued just as care-freely as ever and Ichigo had to close his eyes and rub his temples in an effort to subdue an approaching headache because of the bizarre situation. He had figured some things out about the past of the group of vaizards from some snippets of overheard conversations and other hints (you can’t be a Shinigami-turned-hollow if you hadn’t been a Shinigami first, after all), but still…

“Captain?” he asked, finally, and the blond sighed, dropping the grin and looking around himself with uncharacteristic seriousness.

“Yah, captain,” he said tiredly, “Gotei 13 found itself lackin’ those currently after all an’ the ol’ geezer sent word to us, tellin’ that a few of our previous positions were open if we were interested. Must be in a real pickle if they even invitin’ _criminals_ like us back for it,” he laughed loudly, scratching the back of his head, but there was no real humor in the sound, just the habit of making light of any situation, “I’m the first here, but Rose and Kensei will be comin’ back to their own squads too.”

Ichigo considered both the man and his words for a few moments before deciding on his next question.

“Wouldn’t have thought you’d agree to it,” he said seriously, “None of you guys seemed fond of Shinigami. Hiyori, especially, made a point of making that very clear.”

“Yah, an’ Hiyori won’t be comin’ back. She’s been quite vocal about _our_ decision too, for that matter,” Hirako countered easily before grimacing and sighing again, “Can’t say I’m thrilled myself, really. But I figure, if I’m so unsatisfied with how Soul Society does things, I haveta at least come and try ta do somethin’ ‘bout it myself instead of jus’ complainin’, ya know. Ain’t nothing good that came outta that,” the newly reinstated captain explained, “An’ you can’t be changin’ things if ya ain’t in the thick of it. Besides, we can’t just wash our hands off completely when we had so much ta do with how the whole mess started.”

Hirako turned to look at Ichigo then and finally flashed a honest grin again.

“I think I owe ya some stories, dontcha think? If you even still wanna hear them even though I heard you won’t have much to do wit us anymore soon?” Ichigo nodded faster than the captain even finished his question.

“Of course I do,” he was still eager for at least some information about what had led to the war he had just fought. And he was more than curious about the past of his vaizard friends.

Hirako nodded, unsurprised. “Come, Aizen might’ve not been human, but even he hadta have some zabuton somewhere ‘round here. Let’s sit down for this. It’s an ol’, long story after all. Might be more Kisuke’s than mine ta tell, for that matter, but it’s also more the _vaizards_ ’ than Kisuke’s to tell, so I’ll take the honours for the whole group.”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The talk lasted hours and Shinji ended up being the one to lead Ichigo to a Senkaimon once it was over. Ichigo’s head was still buzzing with what he had been told, so most of the trip was made in silence, until he could finally grasp his feelings about the entire thing fully.

“Soul Society certainly fucked a lot of stuff up, haven’t they…” he mused out loud finally, thinking about all of his friends and acquaintances that he knew had been touched by this realm’s unfairness. A part for him was truly relieved that he would soon no longer have to answer to it as a substitute shinigami. Who knew how long they would stay lenient about how often he went against their wishes.

“It’s already changin’ though,” Hirako pointed out, however, “They let _us_ back in, didn’t they? Despite us bein’… tainted by what they consider to be evil. A hundred years ago they‘d’ve thanked us for our help in the fight against Aizen and then proceeded to ask us to free up our schedules for next Friday to make some time for our execution. They’ve pardoned Kisuke too, and they asked for his help. Plenty of captains have followed their instincts instead of blindly following orders and none of them suffered repercussions for it once it turned out they were right… In the past, they‘d’ve been disciplined regardless. Things have _already_ changed, Ichigo, and yer largely to thank for kickin’ it all into motion.”

“I think you give me too much credit,” Ichigo shook his head.

“I think ya take too _little_ of it,” Shinji disagreed  with conviction in his voice, “This place had been stagnated for centuries, but then ya burst into their lil’ bubble and showed ‘em there _was_ another way to go ‘bout things. Ya’ve planted the seed of new ideas into their heads. You deserve _all_ the credit. But now it’s our turn ta see to it that it doesn’t just fizzle out again. And that’s why I’m here. We need ta pick up the slack for our own shit. Ya’ve done enough for us already. It’s time for ya ta concentrate back on living yer own life now.”

Shinji suddenly stopped walking and Ichigo was a bit startled to realize that they were close enough to the gate to see the people gathered by it, waiting for him. He looked at his friend questioningly and the older man grinned.

“I think I’ll letcha off here. Don’t really fancy all that tearful goodbye stuff myself,” the vaizard explained bluntly. Ichigo chuckled, since the attitude fit the other man so well. But then the reinstated captain sobered up quite a bit and ran a hand through his hair, focusing back on the issue at hand, “Ichigo,” he said seriously, “Ya better be aware ya’re now part of our fucked up little vaizard family, whether ya like it or not. I might be stayin’ here, but ya know where ta find the others. I’ll probably visit with them too, sometimes, if I can. If anything’s the matter… an’ even if it’s not… don’t forget that. We’re always there for our own, powers or no powers. Besides…” the blond man winked at Ichigo, “Kensei’s all for regular, reiatsu-free sparring sometimes too, ya know. Can’t have ya going soft on us, now can we?”

He then turned on his heel and gave a small backwards wave as he walked away, not bothering with any more touchy-feely farewells. Ichigo smiled, following him with his eyes for a couple of minutes before continuing back on his own way. He would certainly miss the idiot, he thought fondly, even though he would never admit he was touched by his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It never made sense to me that in the first stage of losing powers Ichigo would regain back the time he had spent in the Precipice. How would his body know where he learned the Final Getsuga? Why should it matter? If he had just spent three months for it in the real world, then what? It didn’t sound to me like it was necessary to do it in the Precipice of the worlds, it just happened so that Ichigo’s only choice in the situation was to do it there. So I decided to take that out. Ichigo aged three months in one hour, and it’s not going to magically un-happen, he’ll have to deal with it. I don’t think he cares much anyway. He knew it would happen when he agreed to it, it really isn’t a big price to pay in comparison to his powers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I should just resign myself to the fact that this fic will have me writing long notes every chapter… Anyway, straight to the point: this chapter contains Ichigo explaining things to his friends. Yes, that means he just talks about stuff we all already know. Sorry. But here is why I decided to write it out instead of just mentioning that it was done like it happened in the anime:  
> 1\. This way, it is clearly defined just how much and to what level of detail the others actually get to know about everything  
> 2\. I can write down Ichigo’s thoughts and feelings and the realizations he comes to while going through it. Which is one of the reasons why I wanted Ichigo to be the one to do this in the first place – this way he can’t avoid thinking about it and thus is confronted by some realities far before he it happens in the anime.  
> It might seem to you guys like a weirdly specific change to do to the canon, making Ichigo explain instead of Inoue and the others. But the main reason for why Ichigo insisted on it is explained in the chapter.  
> If you honestly really truly don’t feel like reading about things you already know, then you can skip to the paragraph that has the word “zeroed” in it. Seriously. Just search for the word.

His body felt stiff and uncomfortable. It was a ridiculous thought that normal humans just wouldn’t have, but after spending so many days in soul form, with his body left in Kon’s care, Ichigo felt like his mortal flesh had become alien to him.

Well, but it was high time he got used to it again. In the previous months, at times, he had actually begun to wonder if he could really count himself as someone who was alive and if his body was really all that different than any of the artificial ones that the Shinigami were using. But now that he was barely holding on to his powers, he’d no longer have to question it, right? He’d just return to a normal human existence, go to school, eat food, fight with his fists instead of some soul-sword and would never have to think of where to stash his body so it wouldn’t make people panic whenever he went off to fight spirit monsters.

Only his first step back into normalcy was this – explaining to his friends all about the _ab_ normal things. Ichigo looked up at the anxious and curious eyes of his classmates as they gingerly sat in the kitchen of the Kurosaki household (it hadn’t been too hard to convince Isshin he should spend some time out with his beloved daughters, although Ichigo had a suspicion Karin was not too thrilled with her brother for making her go with the oaf), and couldn’t really believe he was doing this. After months of idiotic excuses and memory-wiping bunny-flashes, he would actually be revealing it all in its entirety to them just when he lost his powers. Talk about the irony.

He realized by now, of course, that they apparently knew much more than he had thought they did. After all the exposure to spiritual energy, it became apparent that they could now also see spirits and wouldn’t stop. They’d just continue having questions whenever they saw a Hollow or a ghost, no matter how many times their memory was wiped, so it was better to just deal with it upfront.

And honestly, Ichigo couldn’t resent having to do this. These three people before him had proven again and again just what loyal and wonderful friends they were. Even after he had specifically tried to brush them off and distance himself from him, even after they realized just what dangerous business it was that Ichigo was involved in… they always stayed there. The battle of Aizen and especially seeing the man’s apparent inability to have any real relationships with anyone, with everyone turning their backs on him in the end, made Ichigo realize just what a gift it was that his complicated life and his powers hadn’t left him alone and alienated. Which was the main reason why he had insisted on having this conversation with the trio himel.f

 “Are you gonna explain stuff, or are you just gonna stare at us the whole day?“ Tatsuki finally lost patience after a few minutes of silence. Ichigo winced at the volume of her voice, but figured she had a point.

“Right. Well,” he started, scratching the back of his head as he thought about how to tell it, “Look, the entire thing is… Complicated to say the least. And a lot of it is also somewhat personal, so it’s not easy to talk about it. So just… keep that in mind, okay?”

The three teenagers before him nodded and Ichigo sighed, figuring it was best to start with the basics.

“For as long as I remember I’ve been able to see ghosts,” he then stated bluntly, and although they winced a little at his straightforwardness, none of them had a reason to doubt the truth of the statement. They’ve seen enough to know it wasn’t an incredulous thing. So Ichigo continued, “I used to think it was because I lived at a clinic. Karin is the same and even Yuzu can sense certain presences. I know there’s more to it now, but that’s beside the point. Honestly, it wasn’t that big of a deal most of the time. Just a big annoyance. Until, that is… remember that crazy story from a while back about how a truck crashed into this house?”

Keigo actually snorted at that, showing some of his usual character despite being uncharacteristically serious today otherwise.

“Not something very forgettable now, is it?” he laughed and received a pinch in the side from Mizuiro for the effort.

“Well it never happened,” Ichigo said matter-of-factly, ignoring the small scuttle between two of his closest friends that followed, “It was just a cover-up story. You see, that was the night when I first learned there are more than just regular ghosts around.  There are also these, well, monsters. They are called hollows. And one of them attacked my family that night.”

Everyone was listening wide-eyed at this point and Ichigo rubbed his creased forehead before continuing.

“Fortunately, there’s a spirit organization in the… afterlife, I suppose you should call it, which takes care of these monsters. They’re called Shinigami. Unfortunately, the person responsible for doing it in Karakura that night was Rukia and-“

“Wait,” Keigo interrupted suddenly, “You mean to tell me that the cute transfer student is actually-“

“Yes, a shinigami,” Ichigo confirmed, although he noticed that Tatsuki and Mizuiro didn’t seem as surprised, “Only she got overpowered by the hollow that night and, in desperation, saw no other choice than to transfer her powers into me.”

“Just like that?” Tatsuki was the one to interrupt this time, sounding skeptical. Of all the things to find hard to believe… “Just turned you into a death god like,” she snapped her fingers, “that?”

“Well, it did include piercing me through the stomach with her sword and losing her own abilities,” Ichigo snapped a little roughly back, “But yeah, just like that. I did have some spiritual powers already, thus the ghost vision, so that helped it along. Only later it turned out that what she did was against the law that Soul Society – that’s the place the Shinigami actually come from – and we had to go save her from execution once she got arrested by some of her own despite me trying to prevent it.”

“Execution?”

“ _We_?”

Two different questions from two different people had Ichigo nodding.

“Yes, I’m getting to that,” Ichigo sighed and started counting off fingers, “First of all… Inoue and Chad. Since Rukia lost her powers to me, I ended up having to do her shinigami duties and it happened that the first couple of hollows I had to take care of actually had the two of them as targets. And later it turned out that because my powers were apparently crazy intense for some reason and they got exposed to them so much, it had a long-lasting effect on them.”

“Like it did to us, now?” Mizuiro asked, the expression on his face betraying that things were finally starting to click into their places in his head. The petite teen had always been scarily quick on the uptake. Still, Ichigo furrowed his brow as he thought of how to respond to that.

“Similarly, I suppose,” he settled on, finally, “You guys never got involved quite as closely and intensely with it, I think, which was why it took much longer and… you never actually developed powers of your own. _They_ did, however. And that was why they could accompany me on the mission to save Rukia and later continued being involved in the entire mess.”

“And Ishida?’

“Ishida is another story entirely,” Ichigo answered, “He knew about all of this before I ever did, for example, because it is in his heritage. He is something that is called a Quincy, and they’re a clan of people who have been fighting Hollow for centuries with their own set of powers. Only their ways of eradicating them were found… troublesome by the Soul Society to say the least. For reasons I won’t get into right now, it upset the natural flow of things, and at one point, for the sake of stopping what could have had disastrous consequences, the Shinigami actually… killed most of the quincy off.”

Predictably, there were a few horrified gasps at the revelation. Ichigo himself felt a horrible taste in his mouth. It was actually a while since he had last thought about the issue, which was a privilege that Ishida definitely didn’t have. It was obvious that the young quincy had somehow found a way to make peace with all of the complicated sides of it, but it still couldn’t be easy for him to fight alongside his mentor’s killer. Ichigo shook the thought off. This was not the time.

“Understandably, once he learned that a classmate of his became a shinigami he was less than thrilled,” Ichigo then continued his story wryly, “He challenged me. We fought. A Menos Grande – that’s a super huge hollow – came by. We had no choice but to fight it off together. A reluctant partnership was born from that. And that is why Ishida is involved in this entire thing,” he finished a highly simplified version of the story. But then again, simplified was all he could offer in regards of _all_ of it. And still, it was obvious that his classmates were already struggling to take in all of the information.

“Okay wait,” Keigo put up his hands as a call for a brief pause, “There are these Shinigami guys, and you’re one of them, and Rukia-chan too. Then there’s Hollows, who are the baddies. Quincy, who are… _is_ Ishida. And then Orihime and Chad are also powerful, but they are neither Shinigami nor Hollows _nor_ Quincy?”

Ichigo actually had to smile sympathetically at all the confusion.

“Yes,” he chuckled, “And unfortunately it isn’t going to get any less complicated from here on, although I’ll try to skip as much detail as possible.”

“Right,” Keigo said, obviously still struggling, but slowly lowered his hands again after another minute or so, “Riiight. So… the execution? Seems harsh.”

“Yeah,” Ichigo launched right back into the story, “It was. In fact, most of the members of Soul Society couldn’t quite wrap their minds around it. Only _we_ didn’t know it. At the time, the other Shinigami seemed like the enemies. But you can probably guess by the fact that we were fighting alongside a lot of them just a few days ago that there was something more to it.”

“Oh right,” Keigo’s face suddenly cleared up drastically and he grinned, “Like that lady with the huge boo-“

A loud smack on the head, courtesy, as usual, of Mizuiro, shut the brown-haired boy up real quick.

“Please continue,” the black-haired teen prompted with an innocent smile.

“Right,” Ichigo snorted again, but complied like nothing happened, “It was after a whole lot of fighting in an effort to save Rukia that we got to know the truth. Aizen – if you remember, that is the guy that was our main enemy in this war – who was actually one of the thirteen captains of the Shinigami, had turned out to be a traitor. He… faked orders from what is, in effect, the government of Soul Society, so that Rukia’s punishment would be so harsh. The reasons for that… they don’t matter, not anymore. They’re too complicated to explain to you and all that matters is that Aizen’s deception did get revealed. He deflected with a couple more captains, our little group and Soul Society figured stuff out and became allies. I got officially accepted as a substitute Shinigami and Rukia’s sentence got revoked.

“That’s the gist of what you need to know to more or less understand what you’ve witnessed. With Aizen as everyone’s mutual enemy and plotting to pretty much take over the world, we concentrated on getting ready for war. It all came to a climax when Inoue got kidnapped,” Ichigo met Tatsuki’s eyes when he said that, “Her unique powers caught Aizen’s interest and he got to her while she was traveling back to the real world from Soul Society. Or that’s what he wanted us to think, anyway. It…”

It was a huge fuck-up, was what Ichigo wanted to say. He himself had been too distracted by his hollow troubles to even notice how troubled Inoue had been. Not that he could have really helped her feel less useless anyway, not with how he himself had been struggling. And, of course, thinking back to it  served as a reminder that even Urahara’s plans didn’t always work out. Not an altogether rare occurrence, all things considered. Yet, instead of blaming the man, Ichigo was actually struck by the thought of how terrible it must have been for Urahara, the moment when he realized that his efforts had actually created the perfect opportunity for something he had tried to prevent to happen. How does one deal with that? Knowing that everyone was relying on your plans, yet knowing that some of them were bound to go wrong? How does one continue making decisions like that, when fearing that the next one you make might very well be the fateful one that would doom it all?

“Ichigo?” It was Tatsuki’s voice prompting him again, but much gentler than the last time she thought he was taking too long.

“It was a mess,” he finally finished, “Me, Chad and Ishida rushed out to the realm where Aizen had set up to save her, but in the meantime, preparations were being made for a battle over this very town. It was one fight after another and… well, you were pretty much there for the end of it. And that’s it, that’s the whole story,” he said and smiled, relieved to finally be done. His friends were looking thoughtful as they tried to digest it all for a while until Mizuiro spoke up.

“So… the creepy butterfly guy.... This Aizen. He’s… gone, right? You dealt away with him and it’s safe now?”

Ichigo couldn’t help but outright laugh at this, startling the others who came to stare at him with wide eyes, so he quickly forced himself to calm down.

“Sorry,” he apologized quickly, “It’s just that it’s never so simple. But yes, more or less. Aizen is in no position to do anything anymore, although I wasn’t the one… or at least not the _only_ one that had dealt with him. Still… hollows will still be there. That’s the reason why I’m explaining this whole thing to you: spirits, hollows, shinigami… they’re all part of the natural flow of things, but whereas most people stay blissfully ignorant of it, you’ll now see it. That’s why you need to know that there is a system for dealing with it and you have no reason to worry about it.”

No reason to worry about it… right? Surely that was true. Soul Society had been taking care of hollows in the human world, including the Karakura town, for long before Ichigo had come into the picture to help them. Aizen was taken care of, so as long as no other threat like him came along, things would just go back to normal.

That was all _he_ ever wanted, right? Be normal. Not having to worry whether your friends would be killed in a secret war. He wouldn’t even see spirits anymore – an ability that he had cursed through his entire life, no matter how much he had downplayed its annoyance when telling about it just now. Hell, he will be more normal than he had ever been before in his life!

Only, again, it was never that simple and Ichigo realized this with sudden clarity now, after talking to his classmates. Like he had just told them, _they_ would continue to see it. That world, and the threats that came with it, would continue to exist. The only difference was… Ichigo would now be powerless. If his family was attacked, he’d be stuck hoping that Kurumawhatever guy would be around to help. Could he really rejoice at the idea of normalcy when knowing that?

For the last week, ever since coming back from Soul Society, he had been trying to convince himself that this was the best outcome he could have ever hoped for. But was that true or was he only lying to himself?

“Who’d worry after seeing how kick-ass you are?” Keigo’s enthusiastic voice drew him out of his thoughts again, “Those halo-things don’t stand a chance!”

“Hollow,” Ichigo corrected automatically and then rubbed the back of his neck, “And… about that…” he had completely forgotten that they didn’t yet know that he lost all of his powers. Or, well, _would_ soon.

Before he could even start thinking of how to explain that _and_ keep his friends from getting scared about their safety after all, the atmosphere in the room took an abrupt change in a way that felt familiar to the orange-haired teen. Immediately, his eyes zeroed in on the cause – a gate that appeared in one side of the kitchen, causing his friends some alarm once they noticed it too.

“Don’t worry, that is simply how someone from Soul Society travels to the human world. I guess we’re about to have visitors,” Ichigo muttered that last part to himself as the expressions on his friends’ faces changed from alarm into curiosity. Obviously, for them, Ichigo and the others, and even Rukia, were classmates first, anything else second. Even after hearing (and seeing) them fight incredible battles, they were still too normalized in their minds. But someone else from Soul Society? A spirit from a secret organization that, they just learned, existed to protect the world? That had to be pretty surreal for them to meet. Ichigo stifled a snort and just waited for whoever it was to fully arrive.

The wooden door slid open and from the entryway of light stepped out a man with hair as white as the haori he was wearing.

“Ukitake-san?” Ichigo uttered, taken aback. He truly didn’t expect the captain of the 13th squad. Not that he had expected anyone, to be truthful, but still, “Did anything happen? Not to be rude, but I really didn’t think I’d see you again…”

“Ah, Ichigo-kun,” the gentle captain smiled warmly as soon as the door closed and disappeared behind him, “Do not worry, nothing is wrong, quite the opposite in fact. There are just a few matters that I need to take care of in the real world, and giving you some news from Soul Society is one of them. I am glad I seem to be in time to still be able to talk with you…”

Ichigo ignored the reminder of his impending loss of powers and snorted instead.

“Wouldn’t expect _you_ to be playing a messenger,” he noted, and the shinigami before him chuckled amusedly.

“Ah, well, I admit, it might not be usual for a captain, but there are some truly important tasks to take care of and I am actually quite fond of opportunities to venture out of the Soul Society without… that is, I mean… alone,” the white-haired man stumbled over his words awkwardly and Ichigo had to hold back another laugh. He might not have spent that much time in the other realm all in all, but even _he_ already knew how overprotective this captain’s subordinates tended to be. Ukitake was clearly fond of the duo, but he obviously wasn’t going to turn down a chance for a break when he got one, “Besides, one of the tasks involves talking to your friends here,” the man continued explaining in the meantime, “And it was determined that I was the captain most suited for it.”

Ichigo mentally winced at that, as he immediately imagined Byakuya or Toushiro stonily talking to his friends, who would most likely freeze to death in fear of the two cold-faced shinigami. And those two were probably some of the _best_ other options available. Sending Sui-Feng or, god forbid, Kenpachi to deal with Keigo would simply be _asking_ for bloodshed.

“Talk with us?” said brown-haired teen mustered up some courage to speak. Up until then, Ichigo’s three classmates had been mutely listening to the conversation, obviously intimidated by the new-arrival, even if Ukitake _was_ the most outwardly mellow of the captains, “What… what do you need to talk with us for?”

Yeah, Ichigo was actually wondering the same thing. But before they got into that… Ichigo sighed.

“Please sit down,” he urged his new guest, knowing that the two afore-mentioned subordinates would probably kill him if he didn’t make sure their captain was comfortable for what was shaping up to be  long conversation, “I guess I’m not as done with this as I thought…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated. I love discussing stuff with readers, so if you guys have any questions or remarks….

**Author's Note:**

> It never made sense to me that in the first stage of losing powers Ichigo would regain back the time he had spent in the Precipice. How would his body know where he learned the Final Getsuga? Why should it matter? If he had just spent three months for it in the real world, then what? It didn’t sound to me like it was necessary to do it in the Precipice of the worlds, it just happened so that Ichigo’s only choice in the situation was to do it there. So I decided to take that out. Ichigo aged three months in one hour, and it’s not going to magically un-happen, he’ll have to deal with it. I don’t think he cares much anyway. He knew it would happen when he agreed to it, it really isn’t a big price to pay in comparison to his powers.


End file.
